


No code monkeys need apply

by macgyvershe



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: AU from my brain to yours, Gen, Q is brilliant, Sexy talk but no sex, Trudy makes iced creams, Vincent delivers, a bit cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macgyvershe/pseuds/macgyvershe
Summary: Q has a new gadget for Bond. Bond isn't very patient. Talk of sexual nature, but no actual sex. I still think you'll love it. Sometimes these little one shots just happen!Oh the title...I couldn't think of what to call it
Relationships: James Bond & Q
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	No code monkeys need apply

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to cutelock. She likes James Bond and Q.

“Q.” Bond’s voice though calm and circumspect has a tinge of impatience.

Q lowers his head fifteen centimers. Clearing his throat slightly. “If you could give me four point eight minutes longer, 007. I will be finished.

Bond looks down his torso to where Q is ensconced between his legs, while peeking out from under his crotch. 

“I know this is not your preferred way to spend an afternoon.” Q quips. “Yet this new nano tech armor may well extend your life far beyond its current meager number of years.”

“Thank you, Q, for the vote of confidence.” Bond huffs a tiny breath. “If you can be quick about it.” His eyes squint slightly. “I will buy you an ice cream. Your favorite.”

“The longer you distract me, the longer it will take to complete the task, 007. Are we talking about Trudy’s iced creams?”

Q presses gently on the nano tech armor that he is fitting to Bond’s body. This last portion has to adhere to Bond’s undercarriage exactly.

“Q.” Bond’s exhalation of breath causes Q’s name to sound more like a curse than a query. 

“There, 007. That does it, the armor is in place.” Gracefully Q stands. Pushing the bridge of his glasses back up on his nose. Examining his work, his right hand automatically travels to his key board, tapping out a sequence of keys without having to look at the computer.

“If you could tense the majority of your musculature for approximately 70 seconds. Then release into a totally relaxed pose. We are almost entirely done.”

Standing nude in Q’s lab. Bond does as requested. The nano technololgy armor that he is encased in, except for his hands and feet, gives off a minuscule amount of radiant light. Showing his rather extraordinary physique haloed in that light. 

“Everything looks to be functioning properly.” Q is elated, eyes wide as he observes his creation as it shimmers across Bond’s body. 

“A question Q?”

“Yes, 007.” Q brings his attention back to Bond’s face.

“One hates to diminish this euphoric moment for you, but how exactly does one, meaning me, extricate myself from the armor when say I need to evacuate certain organs?”

“Hmm, didn’t you read the instruction pamplet I provided...OF course not. Well, this is the most unique function of the armor. You can engage or disengage portions or all of the armor by mentally contacting it via the positioning device already in you body.” Q smiles one of his broad prideful grins. “The tracker device has multiple functionalities.”

Bond closes his eyes. Concentrating on freeing his genitalia. “Ouch!” He reaches to cradle that delicate portion of his body. “Your armor is malfunctioning, Q!”

Q is on his knees observing the malfunction. “007, my error, I didn’t allow for excess amount of prepuce that you possess.” Q taps out a few keys and Bond stands upright. Now devoid of pain.

“I think we are done here.” Bond states flatly. Walking over to the chair where he had laid his clothes out. Dressing with practiced efficiency. He turns to Q as he straightens his suite jacket.

“I guess you aren’t interested in the sexual enhancements?” Q crosses his arms in front of his chest as he leans back against the counter. Looking quite smug.

“The armor has sexual enhancements?” 

“Knowing your sexual procivities, I assumed you’d be quite interested in something along those lines?”

Bond pulled out his mobile. Hitting speed dial. “Hello, Trudy. Yes, nice to hear your voice too. Could you send over a half gallon of ‘Moon Walking Road’. Yes, I’ll buzz your deliver person in. Is Vincent available? Great. Thanks.”

“You have my full attention now, Q. Do be quick about it. Your iced cream with melt if you aren’t.”

Q straightens up, a twinkle in his eyes. “Why don’t I give you a demonstration, 007.”


End file.
